July 11, 2008

how to terrify a foodnerd

Lots of girls struggle with their weight. Lots of girls have weird issues around food. I personally have always gone with the "ooh, look, yummy" approach instead.

And I was usually fine with that. The occasional tight skirt wouldn't work out so well, but it was OK. Tallasiandude likes soft and squishy, so that was OK too. But yesterday I went to the doctor's office, and they weigh you just as a matter of course, and standing there in a summer t-shirt and skirt, no shoes, I was 10 pounds over my highest weight ever, 35 over where I should be. And at that point I lost it.

I'd had an inkling it was coming, since reliable old favorites have stopped fitting of late, but the raw numerical proof was just the last straw. And the problem for me is, not only do I look like shit, not only am I clearly not in optimal health, but my diet isn't actually *that* bad. I eat vegetables, whole grains, fruits and all that, far more than the average American.

And so i find myself staring down the barrel of having to make truly drastic changes in what I will eat, and more terrifyingly, what I won't eat. I don't want to be that girl who won't have a chocolate, who won't touch even one french fry. I don't want food to become my enemy, ever -- and I am scared shitless that it will.

Yesterday my parents brought me a big tray of gorgeous black raspberries, my favorite, and there's way too many for us to eat them all fresh (the way they are best) before they spoil. My first instinct was, "Yay! I can make pie!" And then I realized that I really *can't* make pie, not if i want to eat any of the berries myself. And that was when I started to cry.

This morning I woke up and ate a big bowl of the berries with some cottage cheese for breakfast. I'm planning on making some kind of berry fool with Icelandic skyr, which is supercreamy yet low in fat, and the thought of this plan has made me calmer. I'm still scared as hell, but maybe I will be able to make it work and still eat with the delight and wonder that I love so much.

Posted by foodnerd at July 11, 2008 12:28 PM

hey foodnerd, ever since i started my blog, i've gained 2 extra dress sizes. ack! i've spent the past few years trying to lose the weight. i don't want to sell you on a diet or product, but have to say that paul mckenna's advice really helped me more than anything. it's basically about changing the way you eat as opposed to what you eat. i am not losing weight quickly, but it's working for me so far, and it's fairly easy to follow from the website, you don't have to buy any dvds, books, special products. oog, sorry. i sound like a infomercial.


Posted by: santos. at July 11, 2008 08:49 PM

I've been battling a similar situation (forever?). My latest strategy is similar to what santos recommends above (from a quick survey of the mckenna site). I've been reading "Intuitive Eating: a recovery guide" by Evelyn Tribole. It's all about getting in touch with your actual hungry and body so that you can eat a little of what you really want rather than the deny/starve/binge cycle that comes from dieting. As a graduate of the "clean plate club", I don't naturally do this. I have a few friends who are naturally thin based on eating what they want and stopping at a good point, so this moDeL mAKEs SEnse to me. (Capitalization provided by Margot.) I've just started on this, so no results yet to report, but it feels good psychologically.

Good luck!

Posted by: Christi at July 14, 2008 07:40 AM

thanks, you guys. I am trying this stuff, in conjunction with as much zone/fat flush as I can stand. I already enjoy every mouthful I eat, but perhaps not with quite enough zen and patience -- the next forkful has a tendency to be ready and waiting as I enjoy. And stopping, well, that's just a place I need to work on.

So far, it's been OK, in the face of a truly majestic BBQ spread and a case of delicious exotic potato chips. The blog isn't going to turn into my diet diary, because eew, but I'll occasionally let you know how it's going.

Posted by: foodnerd at July 14, 2008 09:41 AM
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